How to Rebuild, indeed.

Truly Brilliant...way to keep up on this...

However...I'm getting the semblance of a feeling that I may not be a total fuck up after all. There may be something to that whole "28th year" energy cycle.

I had an extremely "off" year. New Years Eve through Feb I was in bed, Feb through April it was hard to leave the house. April-June my brain was laid seize by panic at a lesser rate... The summer passed inconsequentially with little positive to show for it, and extreme annoyance with certain surroundings prodding it. By the end though...these boot straps were put to use as I pulled myself up and kicked the shit out of the Fall/Winter of 2008.

I found the dangerous possibility of losing my positive momentum looming close. I've never had a year like this. My body and mind went haywire. It was like I short circuited. Haha, that actually makes it seem funny to me. It's nice to laugh at things in hindsight.

Troy Night Out is doing well. The Vacant Storefront Artist Project has a list of very interesting participants lined up for coming months. Tight Knit was the glorious golden blanket warming my memory of this year as a whole. [...a great island of Sargasso weed that heaved and swung in the light sea as though the ocean were making love with something under a yellow blanket...E.H.]

My brain is going a thousand miles a minute again with calculations and plots, ideas with lists, diagrams- plans or no plans, just off and running. Lists on paper scraps and a million notebooks, 4 blogs, countless schemes. I'm keeping busy every minute, doing too much as Bre always says.

Doing too much feels too right and just perfectly normal again. Holy shit it's almost the new year. I have hit the ground running.

I took a hot shower today. I stood and tried to feel my skin growing warmer and wished for increased water pressure. I wondered how anyone gets through life. There can't be anyone who has made it through unscathed.

...Well, of course not. What a stupid thought.

Our Town

Well, some new press is good. Metroland has done a short blurb on Troy NIght Out. Will the cover of the metroland make more people aware of our event and the work being put into our city? I certainly hope so. Let's put that circulation to good use.

On my mothers invitation, I traveled down to Hudson on Tuesday. Her office is down there and we decided it best that we both blow off the day and have a 3 hour lunch date together. I felt as if I were on vacation away from all of the day to day worries. We spent the afternoon at a little french cafe eating crepes, chevre chaud and an assortment of desserts. I couldn't help but think that if HUDSON can do it, CERTAINLY, TROY can do it.

When I was young, Warren street was not a place you went at night....or so you were warned. There had been the smattering of antiques stores that had been there for years but nothing of what it is today. Even 6 years ago when I was working in Hudson it had nothing on what it is today....that is a very short period of time for that rather large boom to occur.

Don and I are spending every night finishing the renovations on our house before we move in later this month. Troy's Little Italy will be home. I feel extremely positive about the progress that we can and will help to spur. There is a strong community of Supporters in the area. Jean Kruger of All Blues, the Defazio's, The Flavour Cafe, etc, etc... Is it crazy to say that spring is just around the corner?? Maybe it's because I'm always planned so far ahead that seasons pass so quickly. I feel that once spring hits...there will be something insatiable in the area for movement and growth.

Plans to really move the Vacant Storefront Artist Project toward Little Italy for Troy Night Out will hopefully come to fruition by our one year anniversary this February.

It's going to move so quickly now.

...This...is a start. Just the very first part, a beginning. It gets my fingers going and my brain moving and hopefully I go into autopilot from there...There is some inner resistance. When I'm ready and needing to expel, some other part is not willing to go along.

The house is bought. The snow has fallen, lights are up. Troy looks so at peace.



I like the thought of how Legos might compare to bits of my life. My brother loved legos when we were kids. The primary colors. Little building blocks. Ha, it's amusing to envision the peices of my life falling together in a snapping motion one on top of the other, maybe zigazgging.

      house
marriage
  love
accomplishment
                growth  
                       heartbreak
   absolutely great times 
                     so-so times
       Putting it off
                  Raising kids
              Parent Divorce
                        school
                     Birth 

and the next to fall at the top of that list....this zine.